1 The Tao of Internet Relay Chat
2 Copyright (C) Ove Ruben R Olsen 1994
4 Contributing masters: Master ScottM
7 Something is formed by the electrons, born in the silent cable. Shaping
8 and growing and ungrowing. It is there yet not there. It is the source of
9 Internet Relay Chat. I do not know the name, thus I will call it the Tao
10 of Internet Relay Chat.
12 If the Tao is great, then the IRC is running ceaselessly. If the IRC is
13 great then the server is running without ever stoping. If the server is
14 great then the client will always be the server. The luser is then pleased
15 and there is Chat in the world.
17 The Tao of IRC squits far away and connects on returning.
21 The genetic potential of birth, a lot to know, yet unknown.
23 In the begining there was nothing.
25 Out of nothing the Tao gave birth to tolsun.oulu.fi. tolsun gave birth to
28 OuluBox gave birth to rmsg.
30 rmsg was not Tao, so MUT gave birth to IRC.
32 No one knows when IRC came into existance, the mighty master WiZ have it
33 to be at the end of the eight month in the year of the Dragon.
37 Each channel has its purpose, however humble. Each channel is the Yin and
38 Yang of IRC. Each channels has it's place within the IRC.
40 In the beginning there was only channel 0, thus channel 0 is the soil of
43 Channel 1 to channel 10 then was open as the sea. Channel 11 to 999 was the
44 trees and forests of IRC. Channels above 999 should not be mentioned, and
45 channels below 0 were unborn and contained many secrets.
47 This was not the right Tao, so IRC gave birth to +channels.
49 +channels had the yin and yang. Mode does not.
51 This was not the right Tao still, so IRC gave birth to #channels.
53 #channels have the yin and yang.
55 Only channel 0 is the right path to Tao, but avoid speaking on channel 0.
59 There was a great dispute among the Broom-Walkers of the Relay. Some of them
60 wanted neither yin nor yang. Out of this Eris came into existance. Some of the
61 Broom-Walkers then created Eris Free-net.
63 This was the right Tao.
65 Kind Gentle and Boring Net was another wrong path to the Tao of Internet Relay
68 Some time later there was a quantity of some lusers who wanted to be
69 Broom-Walkers also. The Eris Free Broom-Walkers did not agree with them,
70 thus a new IRC was born. This IRC is called the Undernet.
72 But this is not the right Tao, either.
76 There will always be disputes among the Broom-Walkers of Internet Relay Chat.
78 This is the very nature of the IRC.
82 Lusers that do not understand the Tao is always using the yang of Mode on
83 their channels. Lusers that do understand the Tao are always using Ignore
86 How could this not be so ?
90 The wise sage luser is told about the Chat and uses it. The luser is told
91 about the IRC and is looking for it. The flock are told about the Tao and
92 make a fool of the IRC.
94 If there was no laughter, there would be no Tao.
99 "Without the Tao of Internet Relay Chat, life becomes meaningless."
101 The Relay of the old time was mysterious and sacred. We can neither imagine
102 its thoughts nor path; we are left but to describe.
106 The sage luser must be aware like a frog crossing the highway.
110 The great master Wumpus once dreamed that he was an automaton. When he awoke
112 "I don't know whether I am Wumpus dreaming that I am a client,
113 or a client dreaming that I am Wumpus!"
115 So was the first Automata born.
117 The master Nap then said:
118 "Any automata should not speak unless spoken to.
119 Any automata shall only whisper when spoken to."
121 Thus replied the master Gnarfer:
122 "The lusers shall keep in mind that a automata can be either good or
123 bad. Create good automata, and the IRC will hail you and you will
124 gain fame and fortune. Create bad automata and people will start to
125 hate you, and finaly you will be /KILLed to ethernal damnation"
127 Many lusers have fallen into the clutches of ethernal damnation. They where
128 not following the Tao.
132 There once was a luser who went to #BotSex. Each day he saw the automatons.
133 The luser decided that he also would have such a automata.
134 He asked another luser for his automata. The other luser gave his automata
137 The luser was not within the Tao, so he just started the automata. The automata
138 had only Yang inside so all the lusers files where deleted.
140 Some moons laither the same luser then had become a sage luser, and did create
141 his automata from the very grounds with materials found inside the IRC.
142 The luser was now within the Tao and his automata lived happily ever after.
146 There once was a master who wrote automatons without the help of master Phone.
147 A novice luser, seeking to imitate him, began with the help of master Phone.
148 When the novice luser asked the master to evaluate his automata the master
149 replied: "What is a working automata for the master is not for the luser.
150 You must must BE the IRC before automating."
154 Master BigCheese gave birth to master Troy; his duty clear. Master Troy gave
155 birth to master Phone, for the Tao of Irc must be eternal and must flow as the
156 ceaseless river of Time itself.
160 Master Phone once said about the ircII client:
161 "public_msg is for a message from someone NOT on the channel
162 public_other is for a message on a channel that doesn't belong to
163 a window. public is for a message on a channel that belongs to a
166 Out of this raised the mighty chaos.
170 The sage luser came to the master who wrote automata without the help of
171 master Phone. The sage luser asked the master who wrote automata: "Which is
172 easiest to make. A automata with the help of master Phone or an automata
173 made with the help of a language ?"
175 The master who wrote automata then replied:
176 "With the help of a language."
178 The sage luser was disapointed and exclaimed: "But, with master Phone you
179 do not need to know anything about the soil of IRC. Is not that the easiet
182 "Not really" said the master who wrote automata, "when using master Phone
183 you are closed inside a box. For sure, it is a great box for the lusers,
184 but the master will need more power, thus a language is the only path to go.
185 With the language the master will never have to limit himself. When using
186 such a language the master will seek the best between the need and the
189 "I see", said the sage luser.
191 This is the essence of Tao of IRC automatas.
195 A client should be light and be used for communication. The spirit of a good
196 client is that it should be very convinient for the luser to use, but hard
197 for the luser who want to create automata.
198 There should never ever be too many functions or too few functions.
200 There should always be a ignore.
202 Without ignore the client is not within the Tao of Chating.
204 The client should always respond the luser with messages that will not
205 astnonish him too much. The server likewise. If the server does not, then it
206 is the clients job to explain what the server says.
208 A client which fails this, will be useless and cause confusion for the lusers.
209 The only way to correct this is to use another client or to write a new one.
213 A luser asked the masters on #IrcHelp: "My client does not work".
214 The masters replied: "Upgrade your client".
215 The luser then wondered why the master knew. The master then told him about
218 "Your client does not work beaucse it does not understand the server. Why
219 should it always work ? Only a fool would expect such. But, clients are made
220 by humans, and humans are not perfect. Only Tao is.
222 The IRC is solid. The IRC is floating, and will always be dynamic. Live with
227 The luser came to the masters of #IrcHelp, asking about the Tao of IRC within
229 The masters then said that the Tao of IRC always lies inside the client
230 regardless of how the client connects to the server.
232 "Is the Tao in irc ?" asked the luser.
233 "It so is" replied the masters of #IrcHelp.
234 "Is the Tao in the ircII, Kiwi, rxirc, vms, rockers and msa ?" asked the
236 "In all of them and in the TPC, irchat, zenirc, zircon X11-irc and even the
237 dos irc has the Tao" said the master quietly.
238 "Is the Tao in a telnet connection directly to the server ?"
240 The master then was quiet for a long time and said. "Please leave, such
241 questions are not within the Tao of IRC".
245 The master says: "Without the Protocol of TCP the messages will not travel.
246 Without the client, the server is useless."
250 There once was a luser who used the ircII client. "ircII can do anything I
251 ever need for using IRC" said the emacs client user, "I have /ON's, I have
252 assignments, I have aliasing. Why don't you use this instead of the huge
253 emacs client, which also has a messy screen?"
254 The emacs client user then replied by saying that "it is better to have a
255 scripting language that is the client instead of have a client that has
256 a scripting language." Upon hearing this, the ircII client luser fell silent.
260 The master Wumpus said: "Time for you to leave. I did, now I'm happy."
261 The master Gnarfer replied: "Use, but never overuse IRC, then you will also
266 A luser came unto the masters of #EU-Opers and asked, "How can I be, yet not
267 be, a user@host within the IRC?"
268 The masters of #EU-Opers replied: "To be Tao is to be ones true self. To hide
269 ones self is not Tao, and is not IRC, you have much to learn before you shall
270 be at rest within the Flow of Irc. Please leave"
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