1 ------- Start of forwarded message -------
2 From: Roger Espel Llima <espel@sky.net>
3 Newsgroups: alt.humor.best-of-usenet
5 Subject: Re: Irc 666 Conspiracy
6 From: nelson@cs.uwp.edu (Jeremy Nelson)
7 Newsgroups: alt.conspiracy, alt.irc, alt.conspiracy.antichrist,
8 alt.nostradamus, alt.prophecies
11 >Do you have noticed that all ports of Irc servers begin with 666??
12 >The most familiar is 6667 but also 6666,6668,6669.
13 >Maybe the internet is not so innocent as they want us to believe..
15 [Fade to black.... Fade into a darkly lit, yet distinctly reddish
16 place. A reddish-orange, horned man sits at a desk when the phone rings.]
18 Bob: "Hello, Internet Porty Authority, wholly owned subsidiary of Hell, Inc.,
19 this is Bob. How may I help you?"
21 Steve: "Hi Bob! This is Steve down in research and development. We've just
22 develoepd this KILLER setup where people will waste literally thousands
23 of hours of their life doing nothing more than sitting quietly in front
24 of a terminal while their brains shrivel slowly into raisins."
26 Bob: "Hrm... Sounds devilishly clever. What's the code name for it?"
28 Steve: "Well, a beta-tester named Doug suggested "I Repeat Class". We liked
29 the way it formed an easy to grasp acronym, something that would
30 slowly make the poor users rue the day they ever heard it. But that
31 name seemed far to obvious about the side effects. We needed
32 something with more panache. After a joint meeting with the
33 Marketing Department, we came up with "Internet Relay Chat"."
35 Bob: "Oh, thats absolutely perfect. What were the side effects that the
36 Punishment and Testing Department came up with?"
38 Steve: "Initial Addiction rates were nearly 90%. If only we could get that
39 kind of response out of Cocaine or Heroin, we'd be set! Also listed
40 were a drastic reduction in eating habits, acute lack of sleep, loss
41 of intimacy with loved ones, and an *alarming* increase in the
42 purchase of keyboards. [1] Also noted was an increase in the
43 hostility level, with quite a few observances of users screaming
44 at their computer "ILL KILL THE GDMF THAT KICKED ME!" The most
45 frightening thing about it was that the testers told their friends
46 about the experience, and now their FRIENDS want to join the testing!
47 We cant shake people away with a stick!
49 Bob: "Oh beautiful. This should set back the course of civilization a good
50 ten years. Do you have any idea how good its going to be for our
51 membership drive if this thing spreads like a viral infection? Within
52 ten years of when you deploy this, we'll have 250,000 people trying to
53 barge on all the time to get their fix!"
55 Steve: "Oh, that reminds me of why i called. We need to get a port number
56 for the service so we can try some live testing out on the internet.
57 Can you spare us any?"
59 Bob: "Can I? *cackle* Ive been saving a *very special* range of ports for
60 just something so evil as this. Something that isnt so blatantly
61 obvious, but just sublime enough that the really truly clued in will
62 be able to see the obvious conspiracy behind it. I can give you the
63 entire range of 6660-6669."
65 Steve: "Oh, bonus! Ill get on it right away! Thanks again Bob!"
67 Bob: "Any time. " <Hangs up> "Oh.. i can see it now.. it will be GLORIOUS!"
68 ------- End of forwarded message -------